Building relationships in our past, present & future.

As human beings we function on a strange level, we need to be in contact with others. Sometimes we pick individuals who are “like us,” and other times we pick individuals who are the complete opposite. We develop relationships with those in the same household, neighborhood, work places, schools, through other friends… the list goes on. Then, once we have developed relationships we put them into different categories, different “bubbles.” Time will allow us to keep many relationships, but there’s no denying that life can also separate us from others.

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering why we spend so much time getting to know people and why we use so much time and energy letting them get to know us, when one day they could pack up and leave. it’s a strange concept to me, and maybe it’s because I majored in Psychology, so I read into things.

But I do, I find it strange that we spend so much time trying to build relationships; we strengthen the weak points, reflect on our strengths, talk for hours, spend time showing that we care, we hug and kiss & cuddle, we cry and show real emotion, share monumental moments together, embrace the beauties in life as well as the hardships, we triumph and falter, we sacrifice, spend money, and many other things for friends, family, loved ones, partners, etc. But for what?
Is it not true that at some point we or they will, in some way, leave? We go our separate ways. have an argument that leads to silence. distance ourselves. find things just won’t work out, face the end of our time here on Earth, moving away; the “departing” possibilities are endless. It’s sad.

And it’s hard. Hard to watch those we have built relationships with, walk away. it’s even harder letting them go. Many of us may find ourselves in the position to remain strong and firm in our stance while the other turns to leave, we must find the strength to not lunge after them while screaming, “don’t go!”

We’re then left with memories, right? These fond memories that now cloud our mind…

It’s within these memories, however, that I then come to understand the importance of it all.

I used to sit and wonder, “What’s the point?” How many times have you heard the phrase, “you realize what you had once it’s gone…” THAT’S SO DEPRESSING, so stop thinking that! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had those moments of “crap! they’re gone… I want them to come back!” but that’s when I have to remind myself that it’s not always about wanting things back, or desiring the things we no longer have. It IS about recognizing how fantastic things were while they were there, and moving on.

If we spend our time thinking about the past, what could have been, etc. We’ll miss out on all of the GREAT things in our present and our future! While thinking about our old friendships we’ll miss out on opportunities to make new ones. So instead of dwelling on the past, learn from it! Change your thinking from “I wonder what could have been,” to “Even though we’ve gone our separate ways, I’m so glad you were part of my life!”

it's okay to move on

The relationships we make are part of life. Part of ourselves, of building our character, personality. A learning experience for next time. It all comes down to learning about our strengths and weaknesses, about others, how we behave in social situations, how we react to conflict, and more. The relationships that are placed into our lives are just as important as the air we breathe! We need them to survive, even if all that’s left of some relationships are memories (good and bad), because they were still a part of our lives!

In my 25 years of life, there have been many people who have come and gone. It’s just something that happens. I find that I’m able to reflect upon my past relationships with great respect, because I have learned a lot about myself, and about who I want to surround myself with. I know that if someone didn’t make it into my future, there’s a reason for it; it was a chance happening that they came into my life, and another chance that they didn’t make it to my future. I know now that no matter what my past may hold, it’s how I move on and into my future that matters.

There will always be “what if” moments. I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more as time continues to press forward. I’ll make new friends, watch others leave, learn more about myself and others… but I’ll do it with a smile.

All this rambling comes with one important message, acknowledge the importance of those in your life now, before life get’s in the way. And if/when you or they leave, and you find that you miss them, that’s okay. Because missing them will remind you that they were real, just remember to think of the good, and not the bad.

So go out and live your life, you never know… the next stranger you run into could be your newest best friend!

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