Ten Years Ago Today…

Ten years ago today I was sitting on a beach in San Diego, California with my cousin debating my existence. 

Ten years ago, I was struggling with my sexuality.  

I was lost and confused, trying to find some clarity; much of me believing I didn’t belong in this world. At the time, depression had boxed me in. I spent more time trying to navigate between right and wrong and how to exist without upsetting others than I did trying to let myself be me. 

Everyday was a battle against my demons: I had grown to believe that God hated me and therefore religion couldn’t possibly exist in my life. I believed my family was disappointed in me, and therefore I was unworthy of their love. And I felt my friends were unsure of me. All of which lead me to doubt myself and my choices. 

Unfortunately, despite the multitude of people in my life, I believed I was a disgrace to all of them. I knew I wanted to love, and couldn’t understand why that was so hard for people to understand. I spent most of my time apologizing for who I was, beating myself up for desiring someone of the same sex – I spent so much time doing it, I forgot how to live. 

2004, call it my personal blackout. I was so out of my mind depressed that I don’t remember much of that year. It’s painful to think about, to know that I felt that lost. 

Now, back to that sunny beach in San Diego. 

Call it fate, God remaining by my side, or just luck. Unsure of many details, I know that it had been some time since my mom and cousin had spoke, but in 2004 they did. The result of their conversation was me going to San Diego. 

Stereotypical lesbian moment, I listened to Tegan &Sara and T.A.T.U. on my CD player for the entire 6 hour flight. 

Stepping off the plane, I knew nothing of my cousins life for the last few years, and she knew nothing of mine. Two strangers, we greeted one another as if we had seen each other yesterday. (Now let me insert here, that growing up, her and I were inseparable. When I was a baby, she was the only one who could make me truly belly laugh. We had a special bond, and I felt comfort in knowing that). 

Anyway, she was busy with her life and I was confused and disoriented in mine. I spent everyday wondering the streets of San Diego and sitting on the beach. I remember eventually telling her about liking girls, I also remember waiting for her reaction to be judgement, only, it wasn’t. Instead, she looked at me and said “okay.” 

Looking back, I can only laugh at the expression that was probably on my face. I was so used to waiting for people to voice their opinion about how it’s “wrong” that her simple “okay” response and wanting to hear more about my first relationship with a girl, stunned me. Despite whatever may have been running through her mind, she let me speak, and while I spoke, she listened. I think it was then, that I began to come back to life. Began to realize that my life was just that – my life. 

My cousin and I didn’t spend too much time together, again, she had her life to attend to. But for the first time, I felt like I had my freedom back, I could do what I wanted, and didn’t feel like eyes were watching my every move. 

On February 16th, 2004, she took me to a beach. I remember her getting excited over finding a hammock someone had set up between two trees, she sat in it and I snapped a picture. We walked along the beach for a few, until the sun began to set. We sat ourselves in the sand and pulled out our journals. We chatted while we let ourselves express whatever we felt necessary in our journals. I didn’t write that day, instead I sketched a very simple outline of the view before me. 

I’m not sure why it was there or then, but it was there that my hope returned. Hope for life, for myself. Hope for better. 



I returned from my visit to California with a new sense of self. I still had those demons, still felt the judgement from others. But I also felt alive again, I felt strong and able. 

Now, let’s go back for a moment, don’t get me wrong, there were people in my life in 2004 who supported and loved me, people who had my back . But I was so unsure of myself and so depressed that I couldn’t see them. I only saw the hatred and judgement. So to my friends who were around in 2004, you know who you are – Thank You. Thank you with all my heart. To my family, I know we’ve had our moments of uncertainty; we’ve cried, yelled, argued, and debated, but through that, we loved. 

So, if you’re still reading this, thank YOU. As you know, we all face our own demons. And just as we’ve faced them, I’m sure many of us have also overcome them. If you’re facing something right now, know that you’re not alone and know that you have the strength to get through it.


It’s through God’s grace that I’m here today. 2004 was a difficult time of growing. A time of change. I can accept who I am now, and that doesn’t mean that times are all butterflies and rainbows, the difficult times are still there, but I’m okay with them. The pain reminds me that I’m alive.

I exist now in 2014 with my head held high. With a belief in God, with hope for this world, for myself, and for everyone else who may be struggling. I believe that every day we can make a difference by existing, by sharing our stories, by loving and supporting one another. 

We are all the same, this is our world, this is our time. Let’s cover it with what matters most: acceptance, kindness, support and love. 

To everyone STILL reading this, everyone who is or has been a part of my life, thank you for your kind heart, it means more than you will ever know.

Hugs & Hope, 



Colossians 3:12

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”


Love is Louder when YOU’RE involved!

Please read all the way to the bottom. If you don’t have time to do so right now, then please scroll to the bottom and read the “Point of this blog” paragraph! 

“Love Is Louder when you get your friends to join the movement!”

Many of us have heard about organizations like “The Trevor Project,” “To Write Love on Her Arms,” and “It Gets Better.” Three organizations trying to make a  difference in our world.

The basic meaning behind them? To keep the “you’re not alone” message going.

And not just as a statement that’s thrown around because people want to care for a moment and then forget about it the next; but as a movement that people can really see. A movement that is lived daily, moment by moment, breath by breath.

For those of you who don’t know about the three organizations I mentioned here’s each of their mission statements/visions:

The Trevor Project:

“The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth.” www.thetrevorproject.org

To Write Love on Her Arms:

“To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.” www.twloha.com

It Gets Better:

“The It Gets Better Project was created to show young LGBT people the levels of happiness, potential, and positivity their lives will reach – if they can just get through their teen years. The It Gets Better Project wants to remind teenagers in the LGBT community that they are not alone — and it WILL get better.”  www.itgetsbetter.org/

The latest organization I’ve stumbled upon is “Love Is Louder.”

Love is Louder:

“Love is Louder was created by actress Brittany Snow. This movement strives to amplify the momentum of other inspiring online campaigns and invite anyone who has felt mistreated, misunderstood or isolated into the conversation. We are here to raise the volume around a critical message — that love and support is more powerful than the external and internal voices that bring us down, cause us pain and make us feel hopeless.

Anyone can raise the volume on the Love is Louder movement by joining in the conversation on Facebook and Twitter, or by uploading a brief video (30 seconds or less) at http://your.mtv.com – telling the world what they believe love is louder than.

The more voices that join the movement, the louder the message becomes.” www.loveislouder.com/

As much as a believe in and support the first three organizations above, I can’t help but whole heartedly believe in the “Love is Louder” movement more than any other. I think this is because I firmly believe that love is louder than anything else in this world. No matter how many times i’ve been knocked down, there has always been love. I’ve found love in my family, friends, God, art, poetry, books, nature… you name it, love existed somewhere. Love has become my grounding factor in life.

Life will continuously knock you down, insult you, make you feel misunderstood… and while many may reciprocate with more negativity and hatred I’ve chosen to respond with love. As hard as it may be, I will love those who try to bring me down, those who misunderstand me, or those who may make me feel less than I am. Because in doing so I am telling and showing the world that I believe love is louder than anything they may throw at me.

Now, don’t hear me wrong, it’s not that this movement is any more important than the others, because it’s not. But I think the message behind the “Love is Louder” movement is simple and powerful. Sometimes other organizations will ask us to donate or pledge, and sometimes we simply don’t have the funds to do so, or maybe we don’t have the strength to fully uphold the pledge they’re asking us to take. And guess what… That is okay! We all have our own daily trials to face and sometimes, adding another thing to our lives can be hard and complicated. But “love is louder” is only asking us to spread love.

It is promoting to the world that love is louder than anything else. Many people and celebrities have joined this movement… you can be one more!

Celebrity JoAnna Garcia made a video and stated,

“Why is is that nothing seems louder than words of hate and discrimination?  The truth is, nothing is louder than love. Let’s stop the hate. Stop the bullying. Stop the discrimination. Love is Louder.”

In another, singer P!NK stated,

“Love is louder than fear. Love is louder than ignorance. Love is louder than pain. Love is louder than anything. If there’s any bullies out there that really need to take their anger out on someone, come find me.” http://www.mtv.com/videos/news/581450/pink-has-a-love-is-louder-message-for-fans.jhtml

So basically,  “Love is Louder” is simply asking for your voice (and maybe a picture). Why? Because no one can take your voice from you!

Think about it, every organization out there started because someONE had an idea, that idea turned into something bigger… so take your ONE voice and turn it into a crowd. And not just a noisy crowd, but a choir – a diverse group of individuals who have come together to be heard and respected harmonizing over the same message.

If we believe in ourselves, that we can make a difference, no matter how small, and pass that message on… we CAN change the world. People will believe you not only when you tell them that love is louder than anything they may face in life, but when you show them that love can conquer all! We were chosen to be on this Earth, so let us love it and each other with all that we are!

We all have had someone believe in us at one time. Someone who changed our life for the better. We have all believed in someone else, tried to make their day better by acknowledging them, accepting and loving them for who they are.

Well, guess what guys – that’s all it takes! That small seed of “acknowledgement” and “love” can make all the difference in someone’s life.

There are so many people suffering out there because they feel alone and lost. Maybe they have never had someone believe in them. Maybe they’ve never been shown what the power of love is…

We’ve all been hurt, cut off, ignored… maybe felt like we couldn’t go on to face another day… and yet somehow we found the strength to do just that.

Help me help others by spreading that strength and Love by being a part of this movement.

My "Love is Louder" picture

I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. And here is how to measure it – the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends.  John 15:13

Here’s our chance to further our love for ourselves, our love for others AND our love for Christ. Take a moment a tell someone you love them, they’re not alone, they’re perfect just as they are, and that you are there for them.

POINT OF THIS BLOG: This movement starts in Yourself.

I’m hoping, with YOUR help, to put together a video collage of pictures (or short videos) taken by YOU and those you know. If you go to the www.loveislouder.com website you can look through some of the pictures and videos taken.

Here’s the catch – it needs to be soon because the site is being updated on February 14th, that’s the deadline. My hope is to pull something together by February 13th. That’s not a lot of time! So take a quick minute to make a difference! Here’s what I’m asking:

If you want to be a part of this movement, and spread the word around your household, your community, your town, your state… the world that love is louder than all. Then take a picture with either “love is louder” or “love is louder than ___” (you fill in the blank) written somewhere in the picture, send it my way and help be one more voice.

(Picture ideas: write “love is louder” on you, on paper, with chalk in your driveway, on a poster, in different languages… take the picture alone, with your family, your spouse, friends, downtown, local coffee shop, with co-workers, with your pet… use different colors, maybe glitter… make the message your own!)

Communication these days is faster and slightly easier because of technology. So, between our video camera’s, regular camera’s, the camera’s on our laptops and phones, Facebook, twitter, email… we can get the word out and get pictures sent in… You may not know who I am, I may not know who you are… but we can still make a difference!

“Love Is Louder when you get your friends to join the movement!”

My info:

send me your picture or video – klezon@gmail.com

tweet me – silent_songs   (and tag #loveislouder too!)

if you know me on Facebook – either send it to me or tag me in it

and PLEASE pass it on to your friends too!