the life you want is worth waiting for…

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You ready for a random post that will probably tell you more about me than I’d normally be willing to share?

Life has taught me a great deal lately. And I can’t say I wanted to learn all of it, seeing that most of the learning wasn’t about life in general, but about myself. 

Sometimes, I get lost in the realization that we don’t know ourselves as well as we probably should. I mean it, when was the last time you stopped and allowed yourself to get to know yourself. Sounds strange (and silly) right? Like:

“Hi self, your name is Kylie, which you obviously already knew. And you are currently presenting as crazy as you sit here and talk to yourself, about yourself, because you don’t really know yourself…”

Take a minute and think, if your insides could talk, what would they want you to know? Who would do most of the talking? Your head? Your heart? Your muscles? Or maybe your bones. Would they tell you to slow down, to hurry up, to relax, to reflect, to learn, or maybe they would just tell you to enjoy the moment.

I bet we could have a great conversation with ourselves if we really wanted to.

That being said, let me explain how this crazy thought came to light.

The biggest thing I’ve come to realize since my move to Seattle is that when you claim you’re going to “Start over” you should be ready for exactly that. 

Here’s the best way I can explain it: Starting over is a lot like a chalkboard. 

Confused yet? Be patient, and take the example of a chalkboard. You’re standing there wanting to create a new design, so you erase the chalk that was there. But let’s be honest, there’s always some chalk particles left (even cleaning the chalkboard with water leaves weird streak marks behind). So, when you go to draw your new design, it’s like the old chalk marks are the base for your new design right?

So, you have your childhood, previous jobs and relationships, all of which have helped you develop into who you are today. Right? Right. Well, starting over, you leave all that behind in hopes of making new memories. In my case, I started over because I wasn’t satisfied, something was missing. I thought I’d be able to take everything I’ve learned in life, and easily apply it to the life I’m trying to build. Boy was I wrong about that being easy.

Once I moved here I had to relearn everything about myself. I mean it, and it was hard. It was kinda like looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person who was standing there. And I’m being 100% honest about this. According to a close friend who visited recently, I look different, present myself different, I walk different, I’m happy, capable, and wanting to do things differently than I used to. Being told these things was strange. And taking a step back, I can’t disagree.

After thinking about her observation, I personally realized the following:

  • I don’t write nearly as often as I used to.
  • I don’t have the urge to out a giant canvas and throw my emotions at it.
  • I don’t go out as often as I used to.
  • I get bored easily.
  • I’m not as hungry as I used to think I was (eating emotions sound familiar to anyone?)
  • I understand the difference between what I feel I need and what I actually need to survive.
  • I don’t need half the clothes I actually own.
  • I actually enjoy (and miss) working.
  • I flourish when around positive people.

To me, my list seems long and scary. Realizing these activities were more “coping skills” than fun activities, made me really reflect on life previous to my move. Now, I’m not saying that my life was bad, it wasn’t, it was beautiful and busy, but it wasn’t what I wanted.

Since my move, I’ve been able to isolate myself in a strange way to really center myself. I was able to really think about what I wanted out of every aspect of life. I thought a lot about who I wanted to be, what would make me happiest. I thought about the things that really bother me, and not just small annoyances, but things that get under my skin and interrupt my day. I’ve realized that my creative side was a lot of me just expressing my discomfort with life. And that’s not a bad thing. I now have some amazing pieces of work to look back at and say, “I survived that day.” And I’m so proud of that! But it has left me feeling naked and exposed. Like all the comforts I used to cling to are no longer useful. And with that, I need to find and utilize new things.

Sometimes, I still look in the mirror and wonder who are you? But, now I do it positively. Because I know, that I’ve taken a giant step in the right direction. Despite setback and challenges I’ve faced, I’ve never second-guessed the decision to move.

I’m thriving more than I ever had. It’s a crazy mind-f*ck (sorry for the language), but it is. My life is a damn chalkboard. I have memories and lessons learned, the things I can’t fully forget or erase, and I don’t want to. They’re the base for this new life I’m building, and it’s a strange phenomenon.

So what if I don’t really know who I am right now? What I do know, is that I’m finally on my way to becoming who I’ve always wanted to be. My core is happy, my head and heart are no longer fighting. My bones and muscles feel alive again. So wherever this journey may take me, it was worth waiting for.

Okay, so this post was all over the place. I guess you could say it’s slightly a reflection of me feeling like I’m existing outside of my body. But I wanted to share with you and with myself, because rediscovering yourself isn’t a bad thing. It can be such a beautiful thing. You just have to be open and willing to feel uncomfortable and accept the difficulties.

All that craziness to say, never give up on that dream you’ve always had. Because that the life you want, is most definitely worth waiting (and fighting) for!

 

With love from one person to another,

Kylie

 

“With every broken bone, I swear I lived.”

Debating on what to write, I felt the sudden urge to write about the simple act of living. 

We’ve all had those moments when wake up feeling completely alive – ready to take on the day! But then there’s the days when we don’t know how to express ourselves, when we’re unsure of how we’re feeling. Sometimes, the weight of the world is just too much and staying in bed to avoid the world feels like the best option. I don’t know about you, but sometimes, it’s then I find myself trying to push those dark thoughts/feeling away and I force myself to accept the day for what it is – Another chance.

Often times I think we forget that every day is an opportunity, a chance, a miracle. We all have a clock ticking over our heads – and no clue how much time is actually left. So, why do so many of us live as if we’ll live forever?

The song “I Lived” by OneRepublic is just that, a reminder that we should be living each and every day (every second) to its fullest, grateful for whatever it gives us.

Listen to their song (this is a lyric video someone made to it)

Now take a moment and think about the lyrics…

“Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall”:

Take the jump, just do it. If you don’t, if you keep your feet on the ground, think about all you could miss out on. There’s a reason behind why you want to, if there wasn’t, you wouldn’t even think about it. If you fear the outcome, that’s okay… that’s normal.

“Hope when the water rises, you build a wall”:

The water will rise, it’s a part of life. So when it does, build that wall. Maybe it’ll tower high over the water, keeping you safe! Maybe it’ll be just tall enough to keep the water at bay, giving you some ease from any anxiety you may feel. Maybe it wasn’t tall enough, maybe the water spilled over anyway – Don’t worry, it’s giving you time to figure it out. Or maybe, just maybe, the water came too quickly and you barely got your wall started before it hit you. Don’t stress, we’ve all been there! We’ve faced that struggle when the water was just too fast, the wall wasn’t strong or tall enough. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that in time (sometimes a long time), a life boat will come by – sometimes it will be accompanied with family or a friend. But it’s when it comes by that we should reach out, take the help that’s offered (even if we don’t want to), because it’s then we’re reminded that we’re still here!

Give yourself a break, remember that no matter how your wall turned out, the important thing is that you tried. Maybe you stayed safe, or maybe you had to tread water for a while… either way, you did it!

“Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name”:

Sometimes, that crowd is loud and clear, screaming support. Other times that crowd seems silent and still. No matter who you are, know you have a crowd, even if you firmly believe you don’t, you do. Someone is rooting for you, cheering you on – really. You just have to be willing to accept it and hear it, even if it’s hard. 

“Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay”:

Stand brave. This can get tricky. Sometimes, there will be people behind you. And in the moment when you can’t see them, when you feel you’re the only one standing firm while everyone else runs, wanna know where those people are? They’re directly behind you, out of sight, they’re helping you stand tall. Other times, you will be the only one standing. You will be alone. But that’s when your voice is loudest. If everyone else running, they may bump into you… but some will also see you, recognize how grounded you are, and at times, it will change their minds. Sometimes, it only takes one. 

“Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad”:

Oh gosh. Love. It can be so beautiful, but it can also be so painful. Whether it’s the love of another being, the love of a pet, or something else. Love is powerful. Love and it’s complicated-ness should be experienced by all. When you fear it – jump anyway. After all, it’s called “falling in love” for a reason right? It’s a time of learning and growth for everyone, so work at it. Find that person or thing that pushes your buttons but makes you smile at the same time… if it ends in heartache, don’t give up. It may only be the beginning for you!

“And I hope that you don’t suffer, but take the pain”:

It’s mind over matter. After all,you may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control your attitude and how you deal with it.

“I wish that I could witness, all your joy and all your pain”:

This is our opportunity to let others know we care, even from a distance. Let them know that you’re there for all of it. We are each others witness’ for all the crazy parts of life. All the joy, pain, chaos and clutter. We may face things separately but we’re all in it together. 

“And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup”:

There’s my favorite part of the entire song. People – Celebrate. Really! Stop reading this (well, not really lol), but stop busying yourself with more and think about your day, your week. What did you do today? Did you work? Exercise? Read or write? Did you work on a DIY project? Did you cook or clean? Or maybe some homework? Maybe you saved a life today, or overcame a struggle. The simple act of opening your eyes is an accomplishment to celebrate! You did it – YOU survived another day. Be proud, spread that strength. Individually, we make up this world. Don’t let people’s accomplishments (large or small) go unnoticed.

Me, You, They, We = light. We are our own ray of sunshine. We are each a color from the color wheel, painting this giant canvas called life. With every choice we make, we cover this world with beauty.

Now, the chorus:

“When the moment comes
You’ll say… [I’ll say…]

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived”:

Live. Just live. Life is cruel but honest. It continues on, constantly changing because that’s what we do. We are given endless opportunities. The real question is, did we take them? There is a reason behind every choice we make, every place we visit, every broken bone.

Sometimes, the choices we make lead to heartache, pain and confusion. But in those moments we’re able to learn. We learn how to move on and heal, who to lean on, who we can trust. Those “broken bones” can heal, they will heal, if we let them. And sometimes, to our surprise, they grow back stronger than they were before.

Oh and did you catch on to the theme radiating throughout the song? Hope. Simply that.

Never forget, our stories will live on through the lives we’ve touched.

So do it all, get off your butt! Go outside and just breathe in the possibilities! 

Go on, I DARE you…

Believe in yourself and DARE to live!

From one stranger to another, I am so proud of you for being alive,

Kylie

our earth is beautiful, don’t be colorblind.

Today is Earth Day.

Take a moment.

Take a deep breath.

Enjoy the beautiful things around you.

Paint this world with your love, your grace, your own beautiful presence. We matter. Earth matters. We must live together.

We live here. It’s up to us to take care of this world for ourselves and for the future.

Check out these beautiful pictures of flowers from another blog! AMAZING, and is an “instant happy!” 🙂

http://greatgreths.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/of-petals-and-pollens/

Love today! God created this place for us!

 

You’ve only got three choices in life…

“You’ve only got three choices in life…  Give up, give in, or give it all you’ve got.

Did you know that in one day we will probably make over 100 choices? Really. We choose to breathe, open our eyes, to get up… brush your teeth (please do lol), eat breakfast, go to work, smile. We may decide to turn left while driving, or look at the sky to see the weather. We may choose to work out, call a friend, listen to music (choosing a song is another choice), and the list could go on and on and on…

Our life is in our own hands.

So, why do we so often make up excuses for not following through on our goals? It’s just another choice. Sure, it may alter our future, but so do many of the other choices we may daily. We just don’t think of them as being big decisions, I mean, come on now… things like brushing your teeth or your hair can greatly affect the rest of your day 😉

And you know what, it’s okay if chasing after your goals doesn’t have the great turnout you expected.

this defines "success" perfectly!

It’s okay if your story includes some, “I tried, but it didn’t work out”‘s or, “I did all I could”‘s. And other similar messages because, the underlying message is I DID IT, I TRIED! So it didn’t have your exact outcome. What matters is that you didn’t ignore it or give up, you went for it despite all the potential outcomes!

Your initial decision is what matters. Your choice to “do it” screams messages of hope and belief in yourself. Don’t get me wrong, not having things turn out the way you hoped totally stinks! But don’t let that beat you down and keep you there. Remember that your effort to make it happen is the most important part.

Having a goal and trying to reach it will probably bring more happiness (even if in the long run) than having a goal, putting it on the back-burner, and later wondering “what if…?”

your goals & dreams are important!

Daily choices are important. You are important. Your choices are important because they are YOURS, no one else’s. So set a goal and choose to reach it! Don’t let the negativity and reasons “why not” deter you from that goal. Reach, reach, REACH for it anyway! Believe you can do it!

Remember, it’s your initial choice that matters. And that choice will make your story worth telling!

pictures from weheartit.com

He has given us life. He has given us hope!

Easter = hope, life, transformation, change and victory!

1 Peter 1:3  “3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…”

my "hope" ring 🙂

My mom used old silk ties to dye these Easter eggs, so fun!

He Is Risen!

Happy Easter Everyone!

 

Romans 6:8-11

8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Listen to this amazing cover of “In Christ Alone” sung by Christina Grimmie. Her voice powerfully reflects the beautiful message the song carries. Listen to it, reflect upon it, and thank the Lord for all he has done!

Proverbs 4: A letter from parent to child.

Proverbs Chapter 4: Get Wisdom at Any Cost

This chapter is important for many reasons. A letter from a parent to their child, it discusses the difference between good and evil, how to stand strong against evil, how to protect yourself, and how to pursue goodness in life. It’s a chapter many, (if not all) can relate to and learn from in some way.

Beautifully written and heartfelt it’s one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.

Proverbs Chapter 4: Get Wisdom at Any Cost

1 Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.
2 I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching.
3 For I too was a son to my father,
still tender, and cherished by my mother.
4 Then he taught me, and he said to me,
“Take hold of my words with all your heart; 
   keep my commands, and you will live.
5 Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or turn away from them.
6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you.
7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
8 Cherish her, and she will exalt you;
embrace her, and she will honor you.
9 She will give you a garland to grace your head
and present you with a glorious crown.”

10 Listen, my son, accept what I say,
and the years of your life will be many.
11 I instruct you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
12 When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.
13 Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; 
   guard it well, for it is your life. 
14 Do not set foot on the path of the wicked
or walk in the way of evildoers.
15 Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
16 For they cannot rest until they do evil;
they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble.
17 They eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.

18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, 
   shining ever brighter till the full light of day. 
19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
they do not know what makes them stumble.

20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
turn your ear to my words.
21 Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
22 for they are life to those who find them
and health to one’s whole body.
23 Above all else, guard your heart, 
   for everything you do flows from it.
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the paths for your feet 
   and be steadfast in all your ways. 
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

(copied from BibleGateway.com)

 

Let God be your strength!

Instead of writing about how awesome God’s love for us is and about how he is always there for us, I’ll let His word do the speaking.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

“But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.” – Psalm 59:16

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding on one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:28-31

“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.” – 1 Chronicles 16:11

truth!